It's been a while since I've posted. I've been studying non-stop for my Math Final, so I haven't really had time to update. My apologies. However, today's blog is something that took a lot of time to think about. Yet again, I need to introduce someone to set the stage. Enter Little Bunny.
To start off, I have to renege something that I stated in an earlier post. I love you Alexis, but I lied when I said you know the most about me. In all actuality, Little Bunny does. Now Little Bunny isn't her real name, it's what her parents used to call her. Her real name is Lily and she knows me heart and soul.
Lily and I met our senior year of high school. In reality we probably had met before that, but neither of us remembers whether we did or not. We were chosen to lead a retreat for part of our senior class and things just kind of went from there. I was pretty skeptical about her at first. Why?
Well, Lily is a very cynical person. She sees and comments on things as they are, not as other people would like them to be. In her words, she's a realist. She doesn't sugar coat things, she takes and sees things at face value. Nothing more, nothing less. It's kind of unnerving and a lot of people think she's a bitch because of it. That's exactly the reason she is one of my best friends in the entire world.
The first time we really talked was after school one day. I literally had a foot in the door of my car when she came up to me and started blathering on about something with our leader group. To this day I can't remember what we talked about for the hour and a half that we stood next to my car. All I know is that I left that parking lot hoping that we would become friends and stay close. Boy did I get that wish.
Lily understands me in a way that no other person can. See, deep down I'm really a very cynical and judgmental person. I'm not judgmental where I automatically assume things about people and treat them differently because of it. I'm judgmental in the sense that I look at every occurrence, person and thing in my life and compare them to everything else in my life. I see things for what they are and I'm not afraid to analyze them at a base level. Lily is the same frickin way. I adore that about her. Which brings me, FINALLY, to tonight's topic: bitching.
I love to bitch about things. It helps me analyze something and it helps me deal with life. Again, Lily is the same way. We don't sugar coat things. If I fucked something up, I don't say that I messed up but it's still fine. I fucked up. It's as simple as that. We're blunt. I may not be like that outwardly to everyone for fear of losing people. However, in my mind, I'm analyzing everything and comparing it to everything else.
In the past 6 months, my life was turned completely upside down. For those that know me, you probably recognized this. For those that don't know me that well, let's just say that this was probably the worst year of my entire life. And through all of it, one of the few ways I found to cope with it was bitching to Lily. If I'm being stupid about something, she's not afraid to tell me that to my face and vice verse. Obviously she's going to be tactful, but she's not gonna sugarcoat it and tell me it was all someone else's fault. But that's enough of me convincing you that Lily is awesome.
Now for the part you're probably here for. Does this make me gay? Does needing to bitch about my problems to someone else add gay points? Possibly. Most guys are content just kind of holding things in, or maybe taking them out by playing a sport or shooting something or some such thing. I, however, feel the need to analyze my life and compare it to the world, with my best friend Lily. When you look at it that way, I think it does give me some gay points. If I was a MAN (grunt-spit-snort-chest bump-punch a wall), then I would keep it to myself and let my rage out in a physical way. Fuck that.
I wouldn't trade my coping method for the world. Lily S, I love you with all my heart. I am so glad that Kairos brought us together and I'm even happier that I have found a best friend in you. I can't even put in to words how much you mean to me. If I ever lost you, I don't think life would be worth living, mostly because I wouldn't have anyone to bitch with. And, surprise, today is your birthday. Another year and we can go get trashed at a bar while fawning over whatever pancakes happen to be in the vicinity. Regardless, I love you Little Bunny. Thanks for everything.
Peace Bro.
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